So lately I've had this strange obsession with death. Now before you start imagining me wearing black, lighting candles, and chanting...let me explain. I don't think about death in a dark and depressing light, but more curiosity and at times I fearfully examine it. Derek thinks I'm a weirdo, because I bring it up at least a few times a week. Something will happen, and I will get lost in thought.
It seems the older I get, the more people I know passing away. Two nights ago, two boys from a local high school passed away in a car crash in Wichita. They were 21 and 22. Why do I get to live out my life today at the age of 24..yet their lives were cut short? It's a question that baffles me. It doesn't seem fair. Why on earth would a God who can control and stop anything from happening choose not to save them miraculously in that crash? What about the Connecticut shooting that took place a couple weeks ago? I can honestly say...I don't think I will EVER EVERRRRR begin to understand why that will ever work for the "good", or begin to understand God's plan.
Today I took Dixie on a walk. In Caldwell, I can count on one hand the amount of nice houses. There is one house in particular that looks like a mansion. Over the summer I can remember seeing the old man out watering his garden. He appeared to be very late in life..I would say at least 80. He could barely walk across the yard. Sometime this fall he passed away. His once manicured lawn is over grown. You can see the detailed landscaping that was once there is no longer what it used to be. The once beautiful house now looks empty and abandoned. What a sad and depressing thought. This is all the legacy that is left behind. All of the money and care that was invested into this home...is now worthless.
I think about this alot because Derek and I have been house hunting. Sometimes I find myself so obsessed with finding that "perfect home". But when I think about this old man's abandoned mansion in town, I find myself caring less and less about that perfect home. I am sure I could find numerous people in town who could tell stories of the old man, but to me...all I remember is he had a garden...and left a huge house behind. Why on earth am I so obsessed more with what I have in life, and not the legacy that I leave behind? Because someday that perfect home will be nothing but a empty abandoned home. Yes, I am still young. And God willing I still have many many years left to create that legacy. But what's to say I'm not that next heartbreaking story on the news of someone dying too soon?
I'm learning that I shouldn't expect to live to the ripe age of 80. I want to be prepared for that day. So, spiritually I want to be able to meet my maker and give an account of my life. I sometimes wonder how people who walk through their lives without having some sort of spirituality. I do believe and stand very firmly in my Christian roots, but I know that religion is diverse. I know that just as firmly as I hold my beliefs, someone who is Jewish holds their's. And I will always be accepting of religion being different and diverse. But believing in NOTHING? Thinking you can hold off on religion until you're older, and ready to reflect on it..live a "religious" life....knowing you're going to die but pretending it couldn't happen today? That is something I can't understand.
"What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short...For this world in its present form is passing away." 1 Corinthians 7:29, 31
