Three more treatments. From the outside it may seem like a small number..but from my perspective..that's three too many. It's so hard to stay positive nowadays. My body is just so tired and I can feel it telling me "What the heck are you doing to me, Molly?". I realize that these last three treatments are keeping me from hopefully EVER having to go through this again. I just sometimes want to throw in the towel and say, my cancer is gone I'm not going to do this anymore! But, I've come to learn I'm alot stronger than I ever thought I could be. Just kind of tired of being strong...i'm ready for the easy life again!
Today I'm sitting in a cute little coffee shop in Garden City, KS. If you've never been to Garden City, I'll sum it up for you...stinky, dirty and lame. Theres way too many people to be living here for there to be so little to do. I mean, the nicest place to shop is an outlet JcPenney. Come onnnnnnn. But I stumbled upon this coffee shop my last time I was here. It's probably the best place to go in Garden..and nobody knows it yet.
Lately it seems like there is so much sad things happening. A friend of my sisters, Leslee, has a baby boy who has been battling sickness that just won't seem to go away. Doctors seem to have no solutions for them. I cannot look at pictures of baby Landon being hooked up to machines or hear about him getting IV's put into his little body without crying. I think I sympathize with him. I know first hand what it feels like to be poked, prodded, and stuck in a life you can't get away from. All you really want is life to be normal again. To be able to be play and laugh, knowing that it won't end tomorrow or next week when you end up back at the hospital again. You can find a link to Landon's page here. Check it out..read his story. Pray for him and his family. I promise you will be encouraged by how strong this little man is.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Love-for-Landon/239071686171036?sk=wall
-Molly
1.24.2012
Yesterday was my appointment with my Oncologist. Good news first! The PET scan could not detect cancer in my body, which meanssssss that any cancer that is left is microscopic! So chemo has done exactly what it's supposed to. Bad news is I still have to finish out my remaining two months of chemo, followed by 2 weeks of radiation. I guess I was hoping he'd say ok, finish out your remaining treatments and you're done! But that didn't happen. As Mom said, the radiation is just icing on the cake..a final kick in the ass to cancer to make sure it's hopefully never coming back again.
The doctor says that he expects me to have very little if no side effect from radiation treatments. I guess, since my radiation will be in my chest and neck area it puts me at a greater risk from developing breast cancer. I'm not really sure how this works, since radiation is used to treat cancer, but in turn can also give you cancer? I'm not really sure what to expect for the actual treatments. If any of you have ever had radiation..you should call me and let me know what to expect! :)
I don't know if anyone has ever told you...but cancer gets kind of expensive. I can't tell you how difficult it is for me to ask for help, especially financial help. Alot of you know that my Doctor required me to quit my job before I began treatments because of the nature of my job and my immunity being so low. I can remember alot of you telling me that if there is ever anything that I needed to let you know. There are two things that I really need from you right now...prayers..and money. The link below is for my Facebook support page, on it you will find information on how to give. There is a link to my Paypal account where you can give directly, or you can find information to mail cash/check to a bank account I've set up specifically to pay bills out of.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/MollysAngels/282665355126802
I cannot tell y'all how grateful I am for all you've done for me these past couple months.
"It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving."
-Mother Teresa-
-Molly
The doctor says that he expects me to have very little if no side effect from radiation treatments. I guess, since my radiation will be in my chest and neck area it puts me at a greater risk from developing breast cancer. I'm not really sure how this works, since radiation is used to treat cancer, but in turn can also give you cancer? I'm not really sure what to expect for the actual treatments. If any of you have ever had radiation..you should call me and let me know what to expect! :)
I don't know if anyone has ever told you...but cancer gets kind of expensive. I can't tell you how difficult it is for me to ask for help, especially financial help. Alot of you know that my Doctor required me to quit my job before I began treatments because of the nature of my job and my immunity being so low. I can remember alot of you telling me that if there is ever anything that I needed to let you know. There are two things that I really need from you right now...prayers..and money. The link below is for my Facebook support page, on it you will find information on how to give. There is a link to my Paypal account where you can give directly, or you can find information to mail cash/check to a bank account I've set up specifically to pay bills out of.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/MollysAngels/282665355126802
I cannot tell y'all how grateful I am for all you've done for me these past couple months.
"It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving."
-Mother Teresa-
-Molly
1.19.2012
Maybe it's just the chemo-brain I've got going on right now...but this post is going to be a big venting session. I don't know if you've ever heard the quote..
“Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest… It’s about who came, and never left your side."
I used to work for Circle of Friends, which is an amazing organization that pairs students with special needs up with regular education students in middle schools and high schools and they have a mentoring type relationship and do fun field trips together (shout out VAL WALL). But anyway, whenever I would lead a meeting with the regular education students, I would ALWAYS have to tell them.."Whatever you do, if you make plans with or promise to do something with your new buddy..you BETTER keep them. Because they will remember forever that you didn't keep your word."
Working with people with special needs for as long as I have, I can tell you why their feelings were so hurt...relationships are EVERYTHING to them. They will sit around waiting for a phone call if you said you were going to call them. They will talk about you coming over to hang out for a week if you tell them you are going to. I will never cease to be amazed with how much the mentally handicapped have life figured out more than us boring, regular people do. Relationships ARE everything.
All this to say, I cannot even count the number of people who when they initially heard I had cancer immediately blurted out the words.."Oh my gossshhh, we're going to hang out!" At first I was like, ok yeah! However, three months down the road I haven't heard from ANY of them since. My question is...why would you even waste your time saying that if you had no intention on following through? I still have the same cancer today that I had three months ago.
Does it hurt my feelings.. ABSOLUTELY! Am I going to cry about it...hell no. To you I say SAYONARA, see ya later.
When you have cancer, there is nothing more that you need than a strong support system. People who love you. I can tell you give you one piece of advice for if you ever have a loved one who gets diagnosed in the future..stick by their side and love them like crazy. It can make even the darkest days a little brighter.
“Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest… It’s about who came, and never left your side."
I used to work for Circle of Friends, which is an amazing organization that pairs students with special needs up with regular education students in middle schools and high schools and they have a mentoring type relationship and do fun field trips together (shout out VAL WALL). But anyway, whenever I would lead a meeting with the regular education students, I would ALWAYS have to tell them.."Whatever you do, if you make plans with or promise to do something with your new buddy..you BETTER keep them. Because they will remember forever that you didn't keep your word."
Working with people with special needs for as long as I have, I can tell you why their feelings were so hurt...relationships are EVERYTHING to them. They will sit around waiting for a phone call if you said you were going to call them. They will talk about you coming over to hang out for a week if you tell them you are going to. I will never cease to be amazed with how much the mentally handicapped have life figured out more than us boring, regular people do. Relationships ARE everything.
All this to say, I cannot even count the number of people who when they initially heard I had cancer immediately blurted out the words.."Oh my gossshhh, we're going to hang out!" At first I was like, ok yeah! However, three months down the road I haven't heard from ANY of them since. My question is...why would you even waste your time saying that if you had no intention on following through? I still have the same cancer today that I had three months ago.
Does it hurt my feelings.. ABSOLUTELY! Am I going to cry about it...hell no. To you I say SAYONARA, see ya later.
When you have cancer, there is nothing more that you need than a strong support system. People who love you. I can tell you give you one piece of advice for if you ever have a loved one who gets diagnosed in the future..stick by their side and love them like crazy. It can make even the darkest days a little brighter.
1.11.2012
Glass half full...or half empty?
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me." Isaiah 49:15-16
Well, I've finally reached my halfway point. It's been really difficult for me to be very excited about this. I just keep thinking I'm ONLY halfway done? I physically and emotionally feel like I should be done already. I cannot even imagine people who have to undergo Chemo for years. It's exhausting. Sometimes I just sit and dream about Summertime, when I'm healthy and get to be a carefree 23 year old again. Sunshine, laughter, smiles. I literally cannot wait. I think I may be the happiest person on the planet. You don't really appreciate things until they've been taken from you. There was a quote my sister, Michelle, mentioned a month or so ago that said
"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things".
There is nothing that has ever sounded more true to me right now. For as much as I feel I'm suffering now, I really believe Cancer can be a blessing in disguise to those who have be diagnosed it. My life will never, ever be the same. I will never look at anything the way I did before. The verse I posted above has given me so much comfort the past couple weeks, because I have often asked WHY ME? Even with so many people lifting me up in prayers and thinking about me, when you are battling cancer you are really battling alone in a sense. It's me vs. cancer daily. Somedays cancer wins, somedays I win. That verse reminds me that however much I may feel like it, I am never alone.
I am so grateful for all of you who prayed for my treatment yesterday. I swear my nausea was 99% better. Please believe me, your prayers were heard!!!!
Also, my treatments have been moved to Wednesdays now to work around my school schedule at WSU this coming semester. And next Wednesday I go into get another PET scan to see how my little lymphnodes have been reacting to the chemo..and to see if I will be done with treatments in March like we were told. Please, please be praying for this scan. Even if all the cancer is gone, I will still have to finish up my treatments as planned, but if my body isn't responding as well to the chemo as my Dr hoped we may have to look at adding on radiation to my schedule.
Love you all!
Well, I've finally reached my halfway point. It's been really difficult for me to be very excited about this. I just keep thinking I'm ONLY halfway done? I physically and emotionally feel like I should be done already. I cannot even imagine people who have to undergo Chemo for years. It's exhausting. Sometimes I just sit and dream about Summertime, when I'm healthy and get to be a carefree 23 year old again. Sunshine, laughter, smiles. I literally cannot wait. I think I may be the happiest person on the planet. You don't really appreciate things until they've been taken from you. There was a quote my sister, Michelle, mentioned a month or so ago that said
"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things".
There is nothing that has ever sounded more true to me right now. For as much as I feel I'm suffering now, I really believe Cancer can be a blessing in disguise to those who have be diagnosed it. My life will never, ever be the same. I will never look at anything the way I did before. The verse I posted above has given me so much comfort the past couple weeks, because I have often asked WHY ME? Even with so many people lifting me up in prayers and thinking about me, when you are battling cancer you are really battling alone in a sense. It's me vs. cancer daily. Somedays cancer wins, somedays I win. That verse reminds me that however much I may feel like it, I am never alone.
I am so grateful for all of you who prayed for my treatment yesterday. I swear my nausea was 99% better. Please believe me, your prayers were heard!!!!
Also, my treatments have been moved to Wednesdays now to work around my school schedule at WSU this coming semester. And next Wednesday I go into get another PET scan to see how my little lymphnodes have been reacting to the chemo..and to see if I will be done with treatments in March like we were told. Please, please be praying for this scan. Even if all the cancer is gone, I will still have to finish up my treatments as planned, but if my body isn't responding as well to the chemo as my Dr hoped we may have to look at adding on radiation to my schedule.
Love you all!
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